• How Do I Know If I've Got A Gambling Problem Even
• How Do You Know If You've Got A Gambling Problem

Gambling is often described as ‘the hidden addiction’. Unlike substance misuse or sex addiction, it can be much easier to hide the signs of problem gambling from other people. This is particularly true now online gambling is so widely accessible and popular.

Gambling can stimulate the brain's reward system much like drugs or alcohol can, leading to addiction. If you have a problem with compulsive gambling, you may continually chase bets that lead to losses, hide your behavior, deplete savings, accumulate debt, or even resort to theft or fraud to support your addiction. It isn't difficult to determine if a person has a gambling problem. The signs of a gambling addiction or gambling problem are likely apparent to significant others surrounding the person with a gambling addiction. But to the gambling addict who's enmeshed in the world of betting, it's often difficult to see things clearly. Gambling is often described as ‘the hidden addiction’. Unlike substance misuse or sex addiction, it can be much easier to hide the signs of problem gambling from other people. This is particularly true now online gambling is so widely accessible and popular. But the effects of gambling addiction on a relationship can be devastating. Gambling, as you likely know, is often treated as a brain disease by doctors. The signs of problem gambling. 'I've done a lot of interventions, and I've never seen one without the gambler. Answer the quiz questions below to see if you or a loved one may be addicted to gambling. Instructions: Below is a list of questions that relate to life experiences common among people with a gambling addiction. Please read each question carefully, and indicate how often you have experienced the same or similar challenges in the past few months.

But the effects of gambling addiction on a relationship can be devastating. It can destroy the sense of trust between partners often as a consequence of the secrecy or lies surrounding the addiction as much as the addiction itself. It can also ruin families financially.

It’s estimated there are around 450,000 problems gamblers in the UK. And anecdotal evidence suggests that every problem gambler impacts 5 to 12 other people.

What are the signs your partner is a gambler?

Many people whose partners have gambling addictions often report initially thinking their partner was having an affair as the signs are so similar. They include:

• Spending lots of time away. Do they often spend a lot of time away from the house and are vague about why? Some problem gamblers also get up very early in order to play before their partner or family are awake.
• Secretive around finances. Does your partner become cagey or defensive on the topic of money? Have they taken steps to conceal bank statements?
• Money going out of account without explanation. Obviously, it’s not always possible to hide it if you are spending large amounts of cash. Have you noticed unexplained deductions from your accounts?
• Secretive around internet use. Most gambling addictions are carried out online. Does your partner habitually delete their internet history or are they vague and evasive if questioned on their use of the internet?
• Emotional highs and lows. Do they seem extremely excitable and positive some times but then very low, upset or even angry with others?
• A change in behavior over time. You may feel like your partner’s behavior has changed gradually — getting more and more difficult or secretive in increments. This is usually how addictions begin: with things starting off more subtly, before spinning further out of control.

How does gambling affect relationships?

On a number of levels:

• The emotional impact. Very often, the partner of someone with a gambling addiction will feel betrayed upon finding out. There can often be a sense of feeling like they ‘aren’t enough’ to keep their partner happy. They might feel ashamed or even just simply hurt.
• Trust. This is one of the biggest factors. Most addictions involve some form of lying or concealment at one point. Many partners struggle to understand how their partner could have kept this from them, especially if it’s been going on for a long time. Trust can take a long time to rebuild after the revelation of an addiction like this.
• Financial. On a practical level, gambling addiction can decimate joint or family finances. It’s not uncommon for a problem gambler to dive into savings or take out multiple credit cards. This can leave the family with no other money for their basic needs, including household bills or mortgage payments. It also often means that peripheral things, such as holidays or new clothes for children, become unaffordable.
• Time. Something often forgotten about addictions is just how much time they take up. Gambling addiction can mean a person is away from their partner or family for long stretches of it — weakening their connection and making it that much harder to recover from the damage done.

What can you do?

The first thing to do if you think your partner is a problem gambler is to seek help.

GamCare has a helpline (0808 8020 133) that’s open seven days a week. They can provide you with advice on what your next steps could be. They can also help you think about whether your partner has a problem — you don’t need to be certain to give them a call. Their trained advisors can give both information and in the moment emotional support to help you feel calmer.

They’ve also got an equivalent online service called Netline, which allows you to exchange instant messages with an advisor, and online forums, where people who’ve been affected by problem gambling talk and support each other.

How we can help

If your relationship has been affected by your partner’s gambling, then we’d strongly recommend coming in for face-to-face counselling.

There may be a fair amount to unpack following something like this. This is not only in terms of the damage it may have done to your relationship or family, but in understanding and coming to terms with the circumstances that lead to the addiction in the first place. Often it takes going back to before the addiction even started to begin to understand why it happened.

Many partners blame themselves for the addiction – believing that if they’d been a better husband or wife, this never would have happened but things are rarely as simple as that. Sometimes figuring things out and getting them in perspective can be much easier if you’ve got a little help.

By Sydney Smith LPC, LADC, NCGC-II

A gambling problem can be difficult to detect

Problem Gambling can be hidden for a long time which often makes it very difficult to detect. By the time the problem surfaces and the family finds out, the devastation and wreckage can be tremendous. Family members tend to know that something is wrong with their loved one but due to gambling addiction’s invisible nature, especially in the early stages of the disease, it can be extremely hard to identify.

In this article, we will discuss the signs and symptoms of, and ways to identify if your loved one has a gambling problem. Then, we’ll invite your questions about how to get help at the end.

Determining if there is a gambling problem

As a family member, we may or may not know the extent of the gambling problem or how long gambling has been an issue for our loved one. We may know about the gambling, but still have much uncertainty as to whether there is a gambling problem. So if you are asking yourself,

“How do I know if my loved one is a problem gambler?”

…the following are questions and information that may help determine if there is a gambling problem.

SIGN 1: Time away. If I know the person is gambling, the amount of time spent gambling or engaged in gambling activities increases. The gambler can be gone for long unaccounted for periods of time.

When the gambler in my life gambled, he often gambled while he was at work. So, in the early stages I did not know how much time he actually spent gambling. As his gambling worsened, he would not come home from work and would disappear for 24 hours at a time.

SIGN 2: Obsession to find money. Is the gambler becoming preoccupied or obsessed with obtaining money to gamble or thoughts of gambling? The great obsession can be on coming up with ways to borrow money, taking out loans, pawning items for cash, or planning their next bet.

Living with a gambler in the past, I would frequently have jewelry missing or items of value just disappear. Later I would learn that my gambler would pawn these items to obtain gambling money or to chase his losses. Later in the progression of the disease, the gambler may be physically present but not there, as the mind is preoccupied with gambling.

SIGN 3: Emotional volatility. Does the gambler have moods swings or gambles as a means to cope or change feelings? A gambler deep into his addiction can exhibit mood swings similar to those of a person diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. The extreme up and down in moods can be hard on both the gambler and the family members. The “up” moods can follow a win, and the gambler may even brag about the winnings. The “down” mood can be very depressive and the gambler may experience anxious or depressed mood, anger, and become irritable.

How Do I Know If I've Got A Gambling Problem Even

Gambling is used to change the way the person is feeling and the family members may hear the gambler make statements such as, “I had a stressful day at work and I just need to go gamble to unwind”.

SIGN 4: New secrets. Are there secretive behaviors or hiding? Is the gambler becoming very secretive in his actions and with his money? Hiding of gambling wins or losses, hiding lottery tickets, tax documents, etc. becomes common.

In my therapy practice, I often hear the spouses say, “I found payday loan papers, or while cleaning, I found ATM receipts from the casino.”. The family may begin to lose trust for the gambler as the hiding, concealing, and lying about gambling grows.

20 questions to ask yourself

These are a few of the more noticeable warning signs one may experience with the gambler. In addition, Gam-Anon created a simple list of 20 questions for family members to ask themselves.

Family members of problem gamblers will answer “YES” to at least seven of the twenty questions.

How Do You Know If You've Got A Gambling Problem

1. Do you find yourself constantly bothered by bill collectors?
2. Is the person in question often away from home for long unexplained periods of time?
3. Does this person ever lose time from work due to gambling?
4. Do you feel that this person cannot be trusted with money?
5. Does this person promise that he or she will stop gambling, yet gambles again and again?
6. Does this person ever gamble longer than he or she intended?
7. Does this person immediately return to gambling to try to recover losses or to win more?
8. Does this person ever gamble to get money to solve financial difficulties?
9. Does this person borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?
10. Has this person’s reputation ever suffered due to gambling?
11. Have you come to the point of hiding money needed for living expenses?
12. Do you search this person’s clothing, go through his or her wallet, or check on his or her activities?
13. Do you hide his or her money?
14. Have you noticed personality changes in him or her?
15. Does this person consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?
16. Does this person use guilt induction as a method of shifting responsibility for his or her gambling onto you?
17. Do you attempt to anticipate this person’s moods to try to control his or her life?
18. Does this person ever suffer from remorse or depression due to gambling sometimes to the point of self-destruction?
19. Have you ever threatened to break up the family because of the gambling?
20. Do you feel that your life together is a nightmare?

What can you do next?

This list can be found on the Gam-Anon website or in Gam-Anon published literature. If you can identify with any of the information listed above:

• Continue to educate yourself about gambling addiction through resources and literature.
• Reach out to a trained professional.
• Attend a Gam-Anon or any 12-step support meeting for friends and family of addicts.

If we believe our loved one has a gambling addiction, it is OK to encourage them to seek help, however, it is vitally important for us as family members to seek out our own help. We are not alone, there is hope, and life can get better.

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About the Author: Sydney Smith, CEO of RISE Center For Recovery in Las Vegas, Nevada, is a psychotherapist and Internationally Certified Gambling Counselor, currently active in her practice which has a specialty focus on the treatment of problem gamblers and their family members. She also works as a researcher with the Desert Research Institute in Las Vegas, NV. She was the 2016 recipient of the Shannon L. Bybee Award.